Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (0/3 Hats)

img_3577


Kelvin Says Hats On:

Just saw “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” – The Lost and Found World. Conclusion: 4/10. As Hollywood becomes evermore franchise-centric, it’s becoming more difficult for these movies to prove their worth. While the last film was a nostalgic, if not sometimes uninspired, revisiting of much of the original movie, its existence didn’t seem as cynical. As far as “Fallen Kingdom” goes, it feels like an exercise in franchise building. Where it go from here could be interesting, but the whole point of this movie is only to get things into their starting position for the next movie. Maybe that could be forgiven if the movie wasn’t so freaking stupid. The villain is lame and a doubling-down of perhaps the dumbest part of the previous movie. Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are stuck in roles that are bland but at least there isn’t as much forced tension between the two this time around. Also making his return to the series is Jeff Goldblum in his role as Dr. Ian Malcolm. He’s mostly there to rattle off trailer lines and provide some Very Important Lessons that the movie is purportedly about. However, everything else around his pontificating is far too shallow and silly to give it much weight. Though it is decidedly dumb in its plot, there is some fun to be had. The dinosaurs look great and the fight scenes and action sequences are among the best in the franchise. Still, the movie bogs itself down with trite and unimaginative storytelling. After the first movie, narrative confusion has become as much a part of the Jurassic franchise as the dinosaurs. Nevertheless, “Fallen Kingdom” is able to make one thing clear: we’re in for a whole lot more of these. #TRexMachina #ButImNotARaptor #MalcolmInTheMiddleOfTestimony #SaurLoser #TheGradyBunch #KilledInAuction #HomeAClone #RunOfTheMills


Austinn Says Hats On:

‘Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdon’: Yoshi-Raptor vs. Epididymis Rex (2/10)

What a disgrace. That’s really all that needs to be said. The plot is nonsense, the characters are awful (except for Jeff Goldblum), the writing is just so terrible, and everything that happens is so typical and over the top. The way it’s shot, the music, the attempts at humor, the cheesiness; it’s all embarrassingly bad. (I guess I should give it some credit for a couple nice moments, and 2 or 3 funny lines, but otherwise, garbage.) #yoshisdieland #thelostpark #whendinosaursruinedtheearth #savetheanimals #ithinkimaclonenow #sorryAli


Adam Says Hats On:

Saw, Jurassic World – Fallen Kingdom: Fallen Franchise

Rating as follows:
Total: 3.8/10
Cinematography (1.7): 1.3
Overall Acting (1.6): 0.3
Writing (1.5): 0.2
Cohesion of Story (1.2): 0.3
Score/Sound Mixing (1.1): 0.7
Best Category – Cinematography (1.0): 0.7
Depth of Plot (1.0): 0.1
Character Dev (0.5): 0.1
Overall Message (0.4): 0.1

Where to begin? This is a bad movie. It’s a bottom 5 for the year type movie. Jurassic Park used to mean something and they’ve totally lost it. The writing was incredibly cheesy which doomed the actors from the start. No matter of star power could save this script. It was so unbelievably unbelievable. I get it, it’s a movie about resurrecting dinosaurs from DNA. So it’s not meant to be totally realistic. But, even the parts that are rooted in reality were bad. The only saving grace is the dinosaurs looked amazing and felt totally real. That’s it for me. Cringing at the prospects of another episode in this series.

#JurassicPork #TheOldManInTheHighCastle #HasAnyoneSeenJeffGoldblum #DeleteAndReRoll

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s